Rita Skeeter strikes Again!
by SnapesPrincess
Summary: After being saved from her beaker Rita Skeeter decides to interview another well known Death Eater, god help them as she hits them with her Quick Fire Q&A round. This is a follow up to Rita Skeeter: Severus Snape Exclusive. R


AN: I do not own any of these characters; they belong to the wonderful JKR. Big thanks to my fabulous Beta Bubblegum Rock Princess, who now has her first fic up on (do u like the plug? ha-ha). Also please note that although the brands of shampoo I use in the quick fire Q&A, were not out at the time (at least I don't think so) but they were the only thing I could think of for Lucius Malfoy to use. R&R or I'm sending Rita after ALL of you!

Rita Skeeter Strikes Again!

I, Rita Skeeter, your beautiful and intelligent reporter have entered into the dark cold, lonely depths of hell that is otherwise known as Azkaban Prison to ask question which no other reporter dares to ask with the imprisoned Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy.

Today as I sit safely in front of the cell door, I look through the bars and into the miserable cell that is holding Mr Malfoy. The once well groomed family man now sits on his lonely single bed, a far cry from the luxurious four poster, silk filled beds which Mr Malfoy has become accustomed to.

Now, Mr Malfoy's, gaunt, grey, sun starved face stares blankly back at me. His once glossy white hair hangs limp and dirty on his shoulders.

RS: "Mr Malfoy, you have been imprisoned here, in Azkaban, in this cell, away from your family and friends for almost two years, how do you feel?"

LM: "Until you spoke, I was feeling quite fine."

Please note that Mr Malfoy is now glaring at me with a mad glint in his eye, I have shuffled my chair a little further backwards for my own safety.

RS: "Now Mr Malfoy, I'm here on a friendly visit. I don't wish to upset you or remind you that your beautiful wife is alone on the outside, with no one loving her. Now, I only want to ask you some questions which my readers would love to know the answers to, shall I continue?"

LM: "I'd rather you didn't."

RS: "Glad you agree. Now, how do you feel about the murder of Albus Dumbledore?"

LM: "Dumbledore is dead? Excellent! Who did it? When? Where? How?"

For the benefit of my readers, Mr Malfoy is now on his feet, his head between two of the bars on his door.

RS: "Please Mr Malfoy, show some respect! A good wizard has been murdered by none other then Severus Snape, who had the audacity to lock me in a beaker and leave me for dead!"

LM: "So old Snape killed Dumbledore? Wonderful news! And did you say Draco was a Death Eater? Well I never!"

RS: "You seem to find your son being a Death Eater hard to believe Mr Malfoy; I take it you did not know?"

LM: "No."

RS: "Moving on… Do you deny claims that you are a Death Eater just like your son?"

LM: "I do not deny anything."

RS: "How do you feel about your son becoming a Death Eater?"

LM: "Proud, finally he has achieved something for which I can be proud of."

RS: "Have you never felt pride for your son until now?"

LM: "Should I have? Draco has never done anything worthy enough for me to proud of him."

RS: "So you don't have a father son relationship with your only child, then?"

LM: "Of course we have a father son relationship! What makes you suggest such a thing?"

RS: "Well, you have just said that you have never been proud of your son."

LM: "That is true, I haven't. But that does not explain what brought you to the conclusion that we don't have a father son relationship!"

RS: "Well, shouldn't a father be proud of their son all the time? And shouldn't, said father, be there when ever their child needs them? Obviously, you Mr Malfoy can not be there for Draco at the moment due to your incarceration here in Azkaban."

LM: "No, a father shouldn't do any of the things which you have just listed."

Please let it be stated that Mr Malfoy has now retreated, once again, to his lonely bed, where he has sat with his arms folded across his chest and a scowl across his face.

RS: "Does your relationship with Draco reflect your relationship with your father?"

LM: "I treat Draco the exact same way as I was. And I turned out to be a great man!"

RS: "Let's not kid ourselves here Mr Malfoy, what you are saying is that your father was nothing more then a mean old bully who ignored you and your feelings all the time? Tell me is this a recurring thing with all Death Eaters? Does each of you have daddy issues? Issues which have led you to blood thirsty ways and antics that is damn right terrifying to this community?"

LM: "I do not know what you mean."

RS: "Also, how come no Death Eater to date, has spoken of their mothers? Are you all ashamed of the women who gave you life?"

LM: "No comment. Go away you pathetic excuse for a woman!"

RS: "Please, Mr Malfoy, do not get angry or abusive, I am only here to help you get your side across, to explain to the world why you commit the crimes which you have committed."

LM: "If you say so."

RS: "Do you not wish to explain why you were caught at the Department of Mysteries?"

LM: "I was having a little walk."

RS: "With a nine other Death Eaters? Most of who had already escaped from Azkaban?"

LM: "As it happens, that was a mere coincidence. I was taking a nice leisurely walk around the Ministry when I accidentally stumbled on to their plan."

RS: "If that is what you believe, now, the part which every single one of my readers love. The quick fire round, you must give the first answer which springs to mind. Do you understand?"

LM: "No, I don't want to…"

RS: "Excellent. Kittens or puppies?"

LM: "Kittens."

RS: "Why?"

LM: "Because they are cute and fluffy and purr whenever you tickle them."

RS: "Do you listen to music?"

LM: "Yes."

RS: "What is your favourite song?"

LM: "Death to All."

RS: "Shampoo and Conditioner or 2 in 1?"

LM: "Shampoo and Conditioner.

RS: "Pantene Pro V or Herbal Essence?"

LM: "SunSilk for Blondes. It highlights my natural tones and radiates the colour, remember, and always buy SunSilk if you want that glossy well kept hair colour."

For the information of our readers, Mr Malfoy is flipping his hair happily over his left shoulder; he has turned his head to the right side and is winking. I have of course informed Mr Malfoy that this is not an opportunity to plug hair care products.

RS: "Torture or Death?"

LM: "Torture…. Then death."

RS: "Lights on or off?"

LM: "On."

RS: Are you afraid of the dark?"

LM: "NO!"

RS: "I believe you, thousands wouldn't… Wait! You are afraid of the dark aren't you? Do you sleep with a night light? Oh look! You're blushing! What kind of night light is it Mr Malfoy?"

Lm: "Well… I…erm…Oh it's shaped like a butterfly and has a small candle in it which the guards replace every evening before bedtime."

RS: "Do they read you a bedtime story as well?"

LM: "Sometimes… Wait! You can't print that! No! STOP THIS AT ONCE I WILL NOT CONTINUE!"

RS: "Robes of Cotton or Silk?"

LM: "Silk of course!"

RS: "Do you colour your hair?"

LM: "NO! How dare you even suggest…"

RS: "Boxers or Briefs?"

LM: "Neither, I prefer a breeze down between my…"

RS: "Too much information Mr Malfoy! Happily married or desperately seeking a divorce?"

LM: "Happily married."

RS: "Thank you Mr Malfoy. That concludes our interview for today. I do hope you enjoy your stay courtesy of the Ministry of Magic. Goodbye."

Until next time my readers, this Rita Skeeter signing off. Take Care and Goodbye.


End file.
